The Holder of Doge

In any town, in any state, in any country, in any continent, in any planet, in any galaxy, in any universe, go visit a hospital. Tell the front desk you wish to see a person who calls themself, the Holder of Doge. The person at the front desk will either look at you weirdly, or laugh. If they laugh, run as fast as your legs can go, and stop by a local bar to get a drink.
If they look at you weirdly, you have passed. They will ask you "Who?" and then start telling them random names. Make a funny face. If you have passed, they will call for dopplegangers to kill you. You must kill all the dopplegangers and smile at the front desk person. They will then run. Follow them until you have passed 13 doors.
Enter the 14th door, and there will be a man/woman on the bed, depending on what sex you are. Ask them, "How did it happen?" 
They will then proceed to tell you the tale of how it happened. You must stay awake, or more dopplegangers will come, and you will spend the rest of eternity in a white, padded room. Once they have finished speaking, remove your pants, and start running. You will find out why later.
Find a person who works at the hospital, and hug them from behind. They will scream, which will attract more dopplegangers. Kill them all, and steal a pencil from the person you hugged.
Run out of the hospital and onto the street. You will realize you are on the street. Run away from the state, and try to avoid being captured by dopplegangers. If you do, you will spend eternity in the white room.
That pencil you got was Object 13371366669 of 583. You can use it to make writing appear on paper, and write letters of the alphabet.

Police Report

''On January 3, 2037, a man by the named of Stew Pidman went into a hospital. He started making weird gestures at the woman at the front desk, and she called security. The man violently killed all of the people who came, and chased the receptionist. He went into a terminally ill child's room, and supposedly abused her, as seen by the pants left in her room. He then ran outside the room, grabbed a nurse from behind, and tried to rape her. She called for help, and security came. He killed all of them also, and ran outside. He stole a pencil from a nurse, and jumped in joy when he got outside. He was found in Wisconsin, and sent to live the rest of his life in an asylum. A friend of his then came in, and asked to see the Holder of Insanity...''